Hello!
This is my first blog post for the new website… and I’m creating it because I spent Thursday’s therapy session talking about why I do what I do and what it means to me, and I realized that it’s something that wants to be expressed… So here goes…
At the age of 18, I met a man who I spent the next 11 years with. He was 40 and a manipulative, abusive person who would build me up and then cut me down. Someone who I now know, was a bad, bad man. The abuse was prolonged, and I’m ashamed of having stayed for so long… But eventually, the time came to finally get out.
I am still processing much of the trauma of that time, the nights that I cried myself to sleep, feeling hopeless and trapped, and trying to understand how I allowed those things to happen to me. But as per my therapist’s advice, I’m trying to talk to myself in a gentle voice these days so that I can let go of that shame and move forward with strength and pride that I did eventually leave.
There were a few things that fell into place to make this possible, but one of them was my studio…
It is only because I had my own business, my incredible students, and finally, a rented space of my own to teach from that I was able to pack up my things and essentially run away.
The Feminine Divine and The Rouge Revue, and the people who were a part of it, were a refuge and a haven for me to feel safe, held, and supported. Somewhere where he couldn’t hurt or belittle me… and because of this, I was able to step away. Because of my studio, I was financially independent, thank goodness, and although running my own business is scary and unstable, I am so grateful that it has carried me through.
Because of this, I have tried my best to create a space for my students that feels welcoming, safe, and supportive. Because the studio is firstly a space that I created for myself, where I could heal and realize my value and where my body could once again become my own. For this reason, it is one of the most sacred things in my life because I get to be held and supported by the womxn who pass through it, some only for a term, and some, it seems, for a lifetime.
I believe that collectively, we have the power and the ability to heal and grow and thrive, and that in a community of womxn who are kind, supportive, and loving, the magic happens naturally. I see it all the time, watching friendships blossom, collaborations happen, and sometimes even the tears that are shared in class and the group hugs that happen spontaneously.
On the days that I’m struggling, or even simply not in the mood for class, you show up for me, and by the end of class, my spirits have lifted, and I’m on top of the world. I would like to think that we do this for each other.
So I thank each of you, those who have traveled through and those who are here to stay, for the magic that we create together and for helping this once powerless young womxn to find her voice, her power, and her ability to stand tall and proud in her skin.
With all my love,
Lady M
xxx
Below, me at 26, 3 years away from finally being able to leave.
